This holiday season is sure to be unlike any other as we all navigate as best we can through the continuing pandemic and the unthinkable grief and loss in its wake. Here at hospice we are well aware that loss is an important part of life and that it is possible to live through a time of grief in a healthy, connected way. But we also know that grief is heartbreaking and life-altering and that our journey through grief requires all the kindness, gentleness, and self-compassion we can muster, for ourselves, for others, and for our country at large.

The total number of COVID deaths is now bordering on 303,000–a staggering and almost ungraspable number of unique and sacred lives, each one loved dearly by family, friends, colleagues, and more. Researchers tell us that for each life lost, an average of 10 lives are affected by grief. That means that roughly, in our country alone, as we come into this holiday season, there are an additional 3 million people grieving huge losses that have occurred only in the last 10 months.

What can we do to respond to the enormity of all this loss? We can be tenderly patient with others and try to understand what they are going through. We can be kind and attend to others’ needs during this devastating time. We can pray–in whatever manner we choose to pray–and remember that grief is a journey that is often longer and messier than anyone would choose, but that the care, compassion, and kindness of others really does help. We grieve alongside each other and share similar burdens, shoulder to shoulder, loss by loss.

This beautiful poem, written by Marie Howe, is published in the book Awake at the Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End-of-Life Care. If you are grieving, you know this landscape well. If you simply hope to understand the daily reality of loss, it offers something true: